I'm sat here at the computer as the kids watch Cbeebies and eat their pizza after a full day of school, followed by a very expensive and unsuccessful riding lesson. I am sitting here looking for a job again for the third time this week. Another job, because the one I have doesn't give me enough hours or earn me enough money. So I look where I always look; the local papers on-line, the horsey websites for a grooms position, I look at the agencies and then finally I depress myself and look at The Guardian. Yes there are jobs, yes I am qualified but I can't apply for them because who will feed the children breakfast, test them on their spellings and drive them to school? Who will pick them up at 3pm and take them to their various clubs, play dates and make them dinner? Because if I want to work a full days work then I will need someone to do those jobs for me. So I feel trapped, and I stare at the jobs available, go round in circles and decided to write a blog post about it instead.
Everyday he has a gruelling day. Everyday he gets up at 6.30am to catch a train to London which is nearly a one and a half hours commute. Everyday he works so hard he grabs a sandwich at 4pm if he's lucky. Sometimes he gets the early train home and manages to read to the children before they are asleep at 8pm. Most often he is later or just stays in London when work is too hectic.
We would like to share the load. He would like to take care of the children and be more involved in their life, to know what they like to eat in their sandwich boxes and who likes Cheerios for breakfast. He would like to take them to 'Street Dance' on a Tuesday - and pick P up on a Thursday to peruse the garden centres while A does her singing and drama at the school. He wouldn't mind learning how to cook dishes other than lasagne and spaghetti bolognaise, or hoovering the house and separating the washing.
And I would like to go to work again properly, to be valued for someone other than a mother. I'd like to get my teeth into something really interesting and develop it - and get paid for what I am worth. I would like to not do the washing for a week, or pack the lunch boxes and wash their hair and get screamed at. I would like to share those responsibilities so that we both know our own children equally and equally both contribute to the household income.
Am I asking too much?