It has been seven days since my last blog post.
You see I haven't had the Internet for seven days now and I am not enjoying going cold turkey from technology one little bit. I have not embraced living how we used to, reading books, calling directory enquiries or winging it to see if the library is open on a Wednesday - it's not.
I have missed this blog more than not being able to check my email, I've missed the blog more than twitter and Facebook combined, I have missed this blog more than all the other websites I regularly look at - even more than BBC weather.
I am sitting in a tiny cafe in Sussex, all cute with cupcakes, condensation and old ladies discussing their weekly nursing home quiz. No one wants to be with Elsie, who has dementia, not the obvious choice for a quiz team mate. How sad.
The WIFI is dodgey, the bacon has just fallen out of my baguette on to my lap, it will be a bloody miracle if this blog post gets published. Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck.
Forgive me bloggers for I have no Internet. It has been seven days since my last blog post.