I used to consider myself a proper Londoner. Granted I wasn't born there but my eldest child was, and he was. I was great at staring straight ahead on the tube, or into a novel, I was particularly good at knowing which end of the train to get on and which door to stand by at each stop so as not to look a nob. I'd tut behind tourists and walk super fast to my very important job - well I was a very important community gardener you know. I'd never go to Leicester Square or Covent Garden say, just find cool places to hang out in Brixton or Hoxton.
But today I looked like a proper country bumpkin on my day return to the Big Smoke, a real numpty, I even smiled at people and spoke to the young woman who served me coffee - weirdo. I fumbled for my Oyster card and created an instant queue for not being quick enough and I embarrassingly got on the wrong train. I wanted to get on the Wimbledon tube and ended up half way to Richmond. Easy mistake to make, both trains are green and are the District Line. A Londoner would not have made that mistake.
I even read my A-Z upside down and openly looked lost in the street. I'm surprised I wasn't mugged, the city being so dangerous and all.